The president alerted me about the oil crisis and how we, as citizens. could help save energy. Don’t you want to be patriotic? Lets see, I remember now, he said if I increase my tire pressure to 35 pounds, instead of the air pressure recommended by the manual in my car, I will be rewarded with . . . more miles per gallon. . . and I would be saving energy for the country,. Hmmmmm, how does that work? Lets see, if you put in more air in the tire it gets bigger and thus makes fewer revolutions, and therefore uses less gas . . . .
Wait a minute. I haven’t figured out yet how to get the mileage I was promised by that piece of paper which was stuck on the rear window, when my car was new… What a pain in the ass getting that off. And I still haven’t figured out how to get that promised mileage on the paper on the glass, but I did come close.
So here’s how. There‘s this gas station in Miami which has an upward incline at the pump. First I went op to the pump in the right way, taking advantage of the best angle that slopes the front of the car downward, then I fill up, topping off as much as I can. Then I drive more than two hundred miles before I refill. Back I go to the same gas station, and the same pump which I now approach from the opposite direction. This makes the the rear of my car slope down. With the gas tank gauge is in the back of the tank and in the rear of the car, it says full, much sooner, and then I don’t top off. Then I get my smart phone which has a math calculator application. I enter the ‘before’ and ‘after’ mileage and . . .voila! … w e l l, almost voila. But much better mileage for sure.
But here’s what is pissing me off.
I do want to help my country with energy conservation, so I got a solar panel in the roof, and I turn down the air conditioner sometimes to a fault. And I still have pinch marks where my wife pinched me when I accidentally turned the TV off in the middle of ‘Dancing with the Stars’. Then I wrote to the DOE for more ways to help.
What a nice brochure they sent. One of the suggestions is harder to do than it looks. It says, remove the phone charger from the wall after charging the phone, because, if the chargers remain plugged in, they leak energy. Uh, oh. I have a smart phone charger and an Ipod charger and an emergency radio charger, and a charger for the batteries in my camera, and a charger that just charges AA or AAA batteries, and a charger for each of my regular phones (6) and a chargers for my Kindle book reader, and a charger for my portable video player, and my fluorescent hurricane lamp has a charger . . . . did you ever notice all the connecters of these damn things are different sizes?.
Here’s something, its way out. If you buy a energy green car, its expensive, but the price includes installing an outdoor charger and receptacle in a place convenient to where you park the car. But suppose you like one kind of car, and your wife, who now may want a green car for herself, likes a different car model . . . . . .yep, her charger plug will not fit in you charger plug, so you need two chargers outside of the house.
None of this stuff is what this article is all about . . . ..which is; why are street lights on during the day. A waste of energy for which taxpayers (you) pay? (and me too) Here is the question. Is somebody, FPL?, Miami Beach City?, Dade County?, State of Florida? or whoever the hell it is, raising the cost of my utility bill? If so.. . . . Whoever you are here’s a poem for you. It my help decide what you should do.
I went over Julia Tuttle which is not a long way.,
And the sun was shining with some clouds this day.,
So why were the overhead street lights aglow?
That’s a waste of energy, I’m sure you know,
Much more than my charger, which you say is leaky
What’s going on? Something sneaky?
Who pays for this? A taxpayer’s bill?
Well cut it out, I have other mouths to fill, Well? Cut it out? Lights are on? Is that what you say?
Its only the taxpayers who have to pay.
I know without oil, planes can’t fly
But its not like wasting it causes people to die
Turn more lights on during the day!!!
Ignoring waste is the American way.
And using more oil may save the day,
Do you want the oil subsidy to go away?
Don’t oil companies have to live too?
If not Country and taxpayers? Who can they screw?
The author is an independent columnist. The opinions expressed in this column are his own and not those of the publication or its Editors and owners.