What’s so special about lesbian sex?
I’ve watched more than my share of the L word, have lots of gay friends, and something about my aura inspires intimate invitations from women on a regular basis. I’ve provided sex education to female couples looking to spice up their love life, and thanks to my husband’s savvy internet and cooking skills, have also consumed piles of popcorn while watching lesbian sex videos.
But being around women who love other women and watching the action go down still leaves much to the imagination. Aside from long hair and strap-ons, lesbian sex doesn’t seem much different than sex with a man. But I must be missing something. Because the number of ladies loving other ladies has skyrocketed in recent years. And more often than ever before, women who used to live heterosexual lives are coming out as gay. What’s with the increase in lesbian lovers?
In Evolutionary Psychology: the new science of the mind, David Buss asserts that 1-2% of women are lesbian or bisexual and this proportion has been stable over time. But just 50 years ago, lesbian sex was a criminal offense in many places so it’s easy to believe that same-sex attraction has been under-reported throughout history.
And if you’re anywhere with running water, it’s also easy to believe that 14.4% of young women across America currently identify as lesbian or bisexual. The data comes from Cornell University researchers who conducted a sex study that included more than 20,000 people from 80 American communities and the results imply that the population of lesbians is a little larger than 1-2% of women. Especially if you’re European.
Norway researchers reported that more than 20% of girls and young women identify as lesbian or bisexual along with 16.4% of ladies in a New Zealand study. The decline of homophobia in civilized societies like South Beach is partially to credit for the increase, but other factors are also in play.
Studies show that in women, sexual attraction often changes over time. For 15 years, Utah University professor Lisa Diamond has followed 79 women who reported some same-sex attraction. Between 20 to 30 percent change the way they describe themselves –as gay, straight, or bi-sexual — every two years. Since the study started, 70% have changed their sexual identity.
And just because a woman’s married to a man doesn’t mean she’s not longing for lesbian sex. After interviewing more than 200 women over 30 years old who were married to men, Christian Moran, a researcher at Southern Connecticut State University, found such a high rate of same-sex attraction, she concluded that heterosexual women can “experience a first same-sex attraction well into adulthood.”
Ellen’s girlfriend, Portia Di Rossi was married to a man and so was Cynthia Nixon, who’s also known as Miranda from Sex in the City and currently lives with her woman and child. You’re never too old to learn and something tells me these ladies learned a few lessons from women which left a lasting impression.
Greta Christina, a contributor to Alternet magazine, described how lesbian sex taught her skills that improved her intimate experiences with men. After “finally being with lesbian,” Greta later met a man with whom she decided to have sex. Unfortunately, the nice guy ended up ejaculating before they could undress. But don’t worry – the story has a surprise happy ending, including intercourse, and Greta gives all the credit to her lesbian lovers.
“Before I’d started having sex with women, my reaction to a guy’s premature ejaculation had been pretty traditional: disappointment, frustration, embarrassment on his behalf, attempts to soothe his ego, feeling like I’d done something wrong. But this time, my reaction was to say, casually and matter-of-factly, “Oh. Well, is that any reason to stop?”
I wasn’t trying to make a statement or anything. I honestly didn’t even think about it. I certainly wasn’t thinking of it in terms of, this is the great lesson I have learned from having sex with women. It was just an automatic, instinctive reaction. But it was the complete opposite of the one I would have had a year or two before. It was an automatic, instinctive reaction that had been shaped by the sex I’d been having with women — sex in which one person’s orgasm didn’t stop the whole train, but was simply one of many sights on a long and eventful excursion. The kind of sex where success isn’t overwhelmingly defined by one partner’s “performance.” The kind of sex that doesn’t make a sharp distinction between “foreplay” and “sex,” and that doesn’t have a strong opinion about which has to happen first. The kind of sex where the journey is the destination.” Greta and her guy ended up having some very good sex that night. And like a successful session between ladies, the party lasted for hours.
Aside from long sessions in the sack that include multiple O’s, are there specific sex acts that make lesbian sex somehow superior to sex with a man?
“No, it’s not about a specific activity or action,” said my girlfriend who’s identified as bisexual for as many years as we’ve been friends. “It’s about being attracted to a person who just happens to be a woman.” Since she’s currently in a serious committed relationship with a man, I asked, “Did your experiences with women make sex better with your guy?”
“They made me appreciate him more. I actually learned most from him. He’s very educated and sexually aware. He’s the one who taught me about ‘sessioning’ and we have sessions that can go on for hours, or even days. He may have three or four internal orgasms before he ejaculates.”
I’m pretty sure my girlfriend will always be attracted to women and I asked if this threatened her guy. “No, not all. He knows exactly how I feel and there will be times when I want to be with a woman without him. Of course I would tell him. I would never cheat.”
But studies show that her man might not mind if she cheats – as long as it’s with a woman. Mark C. Cloud, a psychology professor and Jaime C. Confer found that a man is more than twice as likely to continue dating his girlfriend if she cheated on him with another woman than if she cheated with a man.
I don’t want to motivate jealousy, but guys may be getting too comfortable with this situation, thinking, “oh, well, it’s just a woman.” Because the statistics show that even a one time lesbian sex session has made many ladies think, “is there any reason to stop?”