Did your parents teach you enough about sex? If the question provokes laughter, know that your peers in Miami feel exactly the same way.
Every person who answered this question chuckled, giggled, or simply laughed in my face before responding. The idea of parents teaching children about sex is apparently very, very funny and so unrealistic that most people thought the question was the first part of a joke, rather than a (not-so) serious research endeavor. But sex problems are not a joke and it’s not funny when kids get into trouble because parents were laughing instead of educating.
Adolescents have more sex problems than adults because they don’t know any better. A 15 year old in love for the first time can’t possibly conceive how a sexually transmitted disease could end their life or an unplanned pregnancy could end their childhood. Think back to your first sexual experience. Who taught you what to do? Were you always safe? Any regrets?
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that American teens get knocked up way more frequently than their peers in developed countries. Here’s the not-so-funny punch line: Teen pregnancy is increasing. What’s worse than that? Chlamydia has increased among everyone except American Indian and Alaskan Natives. It’s no wonder Sarah Palin’s daughter didn’t get Chlamydia, she just got pregnant. You have to admit, that was kind of funny.
Unfortunately it’s true that 15-19 year old females account for most cases of Chlamydia and since 2003, rates have increased by more than 12%. In second place are the 20-24 year old ladies and the infection has increased by almost 20% in this population. No joke. STDs are actually increasing among young women.
Gonorrhea rates among 15-19 year olds have also grown by 5% since 2003 and about half of all new HIV infections are among young people under 25 years old. The least funny aspect is that great sex doesn’t occur when you’re young, inexperienced, nervous, and being a typical teenager. Statistics show kids are dealing with difficult sex problems before learning how to have good sex. Speaking of learning, if parents aren’t providing sex education – who is?
It takes a while to learn the ropes, understand emotions, and test the waters before you experience mind-blowing sex. Since I know you’ve had some great sex, how did you learn to do it? Was it school? Was it your parents? Not if you’re normal – but the truth is that it probably should’ve been.
As a teenager, I remember hearing hallway stories about girls getting wet but I didn’t know what that meant because I went to Catholic school where sex education is illegal. Basking in ignorance, I asked some experienced friends if that meant urinating during sex. Without answering my question they broke out in laughter and walked away. I then asked my health teacher who seemed like the coolest person in the world until she told me that I would learn about it when it happened to me.
She was right and eventually I did learn about getting wet during sex. An older, very experienced boy took the time to teach me that lesson and many, many more. He was very kind and I was very lucky.
But most would prefer that a strange man does not teach their daughter how to have sex. Think about it. Who taught you to perform oral sex? What is normal sex? Are threesomes good or bad? Should girls date guys that don’t go down? Do good girls go down? How do teeth factor into the equation? Are condoms always necessary? What if it breaks? When do I pull out if I don’t have a condom? Is pain normal? What does a sore on the penis mean? How should she smell? Where do I get tested for an STD?
Would it be so crazy for parents to explain these details to their kids? If parents can’t do it, find a friend or relative that you trust and make them an educational resource for your kids. My first love taught me about sensations by blindfolding me and gently massaging my skin with an ice cube years before we had intercourse. I was a teenager and I wasn’t ready. He was patient, gentle, kind and wanted to make sure I was well educated before we embarked on the next level. He guided me like a good parent should. I was lucky because he wasn’t my daddy and things could’ve easily gone in another direction.
How would you rate your first sexual experience? Would it have been better if someone took the time to educate you about intimacy, pleasure, and sexual satisfaction? Shouldn’t a kid reap the benefits of their parent’s experiences? A little parental guidance on sex may seem like a joke but here are ten serious sexual lessons Miamians wish their parents would’ve taught them:
- Sex does not always equal a serious, monogamous relationship.
- Sex is not about mechanics, but it should be about pleasure, fun and intimacy.
- It’s not like a porno.
- Arousal is more important than erection
- Kegel exercises make sex so much better!
- Size may matter but motivation matters more. Strong lips can make up for a little d&*k.
- It’s OK to be gay.
- Good Girls should be bad girls in bed.
- Good sex can happen with someone you don’t love.
- Sex is better when you’re in love.