Subscribe via RSS Feed Connect with The SunPost on Flickr

Politics: So, what’s the Herald got against porn?

[ 0 ] May 27, 2010 | Charles Branham-Bailey

Once again the Miami Herald doesn’t have their facts straight or a clue about what they’re talking about.  Which of course has never prevented them from going about printing it anyway.

In a May 17 editorial (“Miami needs new facility for big conventions”), the paper lauds Tampa for its selection by the Republican National Committee to be the host city for the 2012 GOP convention, but chides us:

“Miami has just as much going for it as Tampa, if not more.  Except for one thing – a facility that can host a national political party convention.

Wrong.

“This area can’t compete for major conventions of any kind without an expanded, updated, modern facility.  We have the beaches, the cruise port, the entertainment, the hotels and so much more, but the main piece of the puzzle is missing.”

Wrong.

“Unless they want to continue getting shut out of major convention business, local leaders have to come up with the resources to build a new convention center or upgrade the existing facility on Miami Beach.”

Ughhhh.  Read between those lines.  Did you, too, detect a trace of “Tear down the Jackie Gleason”?

Who says a convention has to be held at the Miami Beach Convention Center anyway?  That was 1968 (when the GOP met here) and 1972 (when both parties convened here, not only in the same city but in the same convention hall).

Somebody wake the Herald:  Few modern-day national political conventions are held in convention centers; most are held in domed arenas.  We have one of those – one that has yet to host a convention, but which surely is large enough to.  And, besides, it’s a better venue for such a big political pow-wow than the Miami Beach Convention Center.

I’m talking about the American Airlines Arena.

The AA (capacity 19,600) can host more people than Denver’s Pepsi Center (19,309; 2008 Democratic site), St. Paul’s Xcel Energy Center (18,064; 2008 GOP site), Boston’s FleetCenter (18,624; 2004 Democratic site), Los Angeles’ Staples Center (18,997; 2000 Democratic site), and Atlanta’s Omni Coliseum (16,378; 1988 Democratic site), to name but a handful of recent convention venues.

We are edged out, but only slightly, by NYC’s Madison Square Gardens (19,763; 2004 GOP site) and Chicago’s United Center (20,917; 1996 Democratic site), to name a few.

The St. Pete Times Forum, where the GOP will meet in 2012, has a capacity of only 900 more than the AA.

So we do have a suitable facility to offer.  Were Miami to win a future convention, the AA Arena would most likely be the gem venue in which to hold one.  It’s more than adequate to handle a capacity of thousands of delegates, officials, VIPs, and media.  And without having to knock down the Jackie Gleason to justify someone’s silly notion that if we simply build it, “they” will come.

But the Herald really stubbed its toe when it concluded its editorial thus:

“It should be a priority. Otherwise, Miami and Miami Beach will have to content themselves with the likes of this past weekend’s ‘Exxxotica Expo,’ a porn show.”

“A porn show.”  Ouch.

Exxxotica, as do most all conventions and conferences here, drew people to Miami Beach this month from all over.  Nearly 20,000 attendees annually, so their website claims.  Those conventioneers boarded in our hotels, ate in our restaurants, and dropped their cash in our stores and businesses.  You can bet that Exxxotica added mega money to our coffers.

So when exactly did the Herald turn anti-business?  In these hard times, can’t we take our revenue any way we can get it, even from a porn convention?  What’s so wrong with the dollars that porn conventioneers bring?  The dollars that get tucked into a g-string are the same American dollars you would find in any Sunday church collection plate.

Okay, that may not have come out the way I intended it.  But you get the point.  A dollar is a dollar is a dollar.

But why should the Miami Hypocrite, er, Herald, protest porn?  After all, porn, to a degree, has helped make the Herald what it is.

Give you an example:  You know those “massage” parlor ads in the Herald’s sports section, with the sexy ladies with their inviting smiles, curves, and cleavages?  You can’t get much pornier than that.

Yes, porn – partially nekkid women, women revealing skin and inducing all sorts of carnal thoughts and lusty sensations – helped build the House of the Knight Brothers.  Yet the Herald is too hoity-toity to dignify acknowledging this fact, choosing rather to show its disdain for the smut industry that helped it sell its papers and rake in all that revenue.

Hmmmph.  You don’t wear hypocrisy all that well, Herald.

But porn conventions have to be convened somewhere.  So why not here?

Now here’s a thought:  why not entice the Republicans to hold their 2016 convention here?  AND, here’s the kicker:  have it run the same week as the Exxxotica show.  Hell, I’ll go one further:  book ‘em both in the same venue!

That’s right.  After all, we now know these Republicans love some good, all-American porn.  Remember the April brouhaha when an aide to GOP chair Michael Steele got the RNC in all that hot water for dropping $2,000 in party money at a West Hollywood, Calif., lesbian bondage club?

South Florida blogger Joy-Ann Reid (The Reid Report) recently greeted the news of the selection with this headline:  “Strippers get ready:  the RNC is coming to Tampa!”

According to clubzone.com, Tampa has 40 strip clubs.  Wow.  Ya think maybe that was one of the attributes that helped boost the city’s bid?  Surely we can attract a major party convention with our slew of clubs.   And if we can’t attract the majors, let’s not forget the Tea Partiers.  Those folks are so tight in their panties, they absolutely NEED to let their hair down, have some fun, and, as Jack Nicholson told Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment, “kill the bug that you have up your ass.”  A couple of shots – plus a table dance or two – and they’ll soon be forgetting what made them so fire-breathing mad about that damn socialist in the White House, the one with the forged Hawaiian birth certificate.

But getting back to the Republicans, just imagine:  The Grand Old Partiers could meet to officially nominate Sarah Palin, or Mitt Romney, or Mike Huckabee for president –  while poll dancers gyrate and wiggle their wares in the aisles.  Adult film stars like Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy could give speeches from the podium, ensuring big TV ratings.

Imagine the roll call balloting of the states…

CONVENTION CHAIRWOMAN:  “Iowa!  34 votes.”

IOWA DELEGATION SPOKESMAN:  “Madam chairwoman, the great state of Iowa, the Hawkeye state where the corn is as high as an elephant’s eye, the state who’s got the prettiest pigs at the annual state fair, and proud to be the home state of the young, perky, red-haired lady in the tassels and blue g-string now perched on the swing under the CNN broadcast booth as well as the cutie pie that you see pole dancing in the aisle between the Alabama and New Jersey delegations, casts 11 votes for Sarah Palin, 10 votes for Mitt Romney, 4 votes for Mike Huckabee, 2 votes for Newt Gingrich, 2 votes for Rush Limbaugh, 1 vote for Glenn Beck, 1 vote for Ann Coulter, 1 vote for the late great Ronald Reagan, 1 vote for Mickey Mouse, and 1 abstention due to…uh, well… one of our delegates who forgot to vote ’cause he was too busy getting a lap dance from the blonde bombshell over near the North Dakota delegation.”

The director of the trade show management firm in charge of producing Exxxotica, quoted on the show’s website, says “South Beach has really embraced [the show] and we’re looking forward to many years to come.”  Too bad the local newspaper is too lofty to embrace it.

Adult film star Joanna Angel, a tattooed brunette with a shock of pink locks, gave a taped chat and tour of this year’s Exxxotica.  Take one guess as to what local media monolith’s website her two-minute video is posted at.

Yep.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • MySpace
  • email
  • StumbleUpon
  • Google Bookmarks

Tags: , ,

Category: POLITICS

About Charles Branham-Bailey: View author profile.

Comments are closed.